As I’ve gotten older, I wonder why in the world do hundreds of thousands of people buy books that are full of bad news about somebody else?Or read countless numbers of pages on the internet or watch countless hours of stuff like TMZ or other media gossip.Why do we enjoy that kind of stuff as sport? What is it about human nature that makes us feel better when we can bring people down?What is it in human nature that we feel better about ourselves when other people’s faults and foibles and goofs are displayed?
The answer is real simple it all comes down to envy and pride.
Look at 1 Corinthians 13:4...the bible says there...
“Love does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud…” 1 Corinthians 13:4
What is envy? What is pride? Now first…Envy is different from jealousy...jealousy says....
Jealousy says “I WANT what you have!”
Envy says....
Envy says, “I not only want you have, but I want you to LOSE what you’ve got!”
I wish you didn’t have it, I want it and I wish you didn’t have it. Envy says, “Not only do I want my grass to be greener, but I want yours to turn brown...”Pride says, “Take a look at my grass…it’s totally better than anything you’ve ever grown…”Pride says, “Look what I’ve got, it’s better than what you have…look at me, I’m totally better than anything you are.”Envy and pride show up in any kind of human relationships. Envy and pride show up in families? Do any of you, have a brother or sister?
Only two...
No wonder you’re all weird, you’re all only children. The bible is full of examples of sibling rivalry.
Jacob and Esau, Cain and Abel, and Rachel and Leah, and Joseph and his brothers.
There is envy and pride families?
You have envy and pride at work? Professional envy and ego?
Salesman envy other salesman. Salesman boast over and above other salesman.Doctors envy other doctors. Doctors get prideful. There’s all kinds of envy and pride in the marketplace.There’s envy and pride in schools… This next week at Newport Harbor High School or Costa Mesa or Estancia High School, there will be students comparing... Clothes, boyfriends, cars, grades, athletic ability and on and on...pridefully putting others down and propping themselves up.You have envy and pride displaying itself among friends.
The fact is we all live in a very competitive world, would you agree with that? Sure you would. I mean we all are touched by envy and pride.In fact, the whole advertising business is built on creating envy and stoking the fires of pride and ego. You buy our product, you will be the envy of everyone else.The bible says that there things that envy and pride does in amongst human beings, number one...
Envy and pride causes conflict
Look at James 4:1“Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that make war inside you.” James 4:1
He says there are these selfish desires that are inside of you and me. Conflict comes from the inside. When you were a kid did you ever play king of the hill? There’s only room for one person at the top. The king of the hill! And adults still play that game.We just do it more subtlety. I’m king of the hill! Notice the kind of car I’m driving. I’m king of the hill. Notice, the kind of jewelry I’m wearing. I’m king of the hill. My kids are smarter than your kids. I’m king of the hill! Notice the color of my credit card. Oh you got one of those cheap green things. I’ve got the Uranium card. That’s above the platinum by three stages.
Look at this verse, Romans 12:16…“Don’t act big and don’t think you know it all.” Romans 12:16
Proverbs 13:10“Pride leads to arguments…” Proverbs 13:10
When you’re all about looking out for number...one
When you’re all about blowing your own...horn.
When you’re all about beating your own...drum
When you’re all about doing what’s best for...you.
It’s going to cause problems and fights with others. Pride leads to arguments, causes conflict. Number two, envy...Envy and pride ignites RESENTMENT and misunderstandings
Titus 3:3“Our lives were full of resentment and envy. (Notice how they go together...) We hated others and they hated us.” Titus 3:3 (LB)
Envy always, always, always causes bitterness. We resent other people because we are envious. We resent their success. “I should have got the promotion not them.”We resent other people’s wealth. “Who do they think they are to live in a house like that?” It’s saying, “I wish I had it.”We envy other people’s achievements. We envy their beauty. “He’s still got hair. ha, ha....I don’t, it’s unfair.” Bald jokes.You can even envy other people’s spirituality, did you know that? “Wow, did you hear that prayer he just prayed.”“He and God must be like that you know.” You know, I’m back here going, “Now I lay me down to sleep.”Or “How come her husband is more spiritually committed than mine?”That’s not fair. It builds up resentment. James 3:16....
“For where you find envy...there you find disorder and every evil practice.” James 3:16
Every! He’s saying if you’re green with envy, you’re going to be ripe for trouble. He’s saying that envy can lead to other sins. It can lead to gossip, it can lead to stealing, it can lead to adultery. It can lead to murder.
I remember reading in the paper of the teenage girl who lost the cheerleading contest in high school and had the winner killed.Envy leads to other things…like the greatest sin of all time, PRIDE!
“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5
Have you ever heard anyone say, “Love is blind?” Love isn’t blind, pride is blind.Pride blinds us to our own faults. And when I have pride in my life I can’t see my own faults.And so I can’t help you with yours. Number three....Envy and pride make me and everyone around me MISERABLE.If you have ever been envious you know about this one. Proverbs 14:30 says,“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs 14:30 He says envy is to your soul what cancer is to your body. It will eat you alive, if you don’t watch out.
Envy will torment you. That envy will eventually consume you. When you come envious it feeds on resentment, it gets bigger and bigger and bigger.Until pretty soon you are obsessed with the competition. People get so envious of someone else. So obsessed. It’ll eat you up, it makes you miserable.You cannot be happy and pride filled and envious at the same time.
One of the great secrets of happiness in life is learning how to eliminate envy and pride from your life.How do you that? Let me tell you don’t get rid of envy and pride by simply trying to change the circumstances. “Well, they have got more money than you do, we’ll just make more money and then I’ll show them up.” The only problem once you get to that level there is a next level.And if you’re motivated by envy and pride, you WILL burn out, because there’s always a next level. What do you do?
Proverbs 28:13 gives a clue… “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes (PRIDE) can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them (HUMILITY), he gets another chance.” Proverbs 28:13
God says you change by changing or repenting.So let’s look at five ways to see this worked out in your life. First and foremost…The only way to get rid of envy and pride is to resist comparing myself to others. Because all envy and pride is initiated by comparing ourselves to someone else. If you don’t do that, you won’t be envious and prideful.
Notice this verse, 2 Corinthians 10:12,“We do not dare to put ourselves in the same group with those who think that they are very important. We do not compare ourselves to them...this shows they know nothing.” 2 Corinthians 10:12
God says it’s stupid to compare yourself to other people. Why? It’s just dumb. Why? Because we’re all different..And comparing is the root of all envy. I remember when I was a kid, I’ve told you this story before
I got a bicycle for Christmas. It was a Sting Ray. With the butterfly handle bars. The banana seat. With a leopard skinned designed seat.I was born to be wild, Get your motor running, head out on the highway...you know.I was third grade and hot. When that came out I was so proud of this bicycle. And I drove down to my neighbors and I couldn’t wait to show him. Cause I knew I’d one up-ed him…but then he showed me his present…
Guess what, he not only got a Stingray bicycle, but he got a 3 speed. My joy went down the tubes.Somebody said, “You know, nothing can depreciate your car as fast as your neighbor buying a new one.” Do you remember of years ago there was this commercial that came out?A little kid was singing for dog food, “My dog is better than your dog.” How many of you remember that? Adults still do that all the time, my dog’s bigger or better or more behaved than your dog, we just do it more discreet ways.My car is better than your car. My house is bigger than your house. My career has more status than your career.My wife is more beautiful than your wife. The one I hate is the bumper sticker that says, “My kids number one at such and such school.”Oh, that’s great for the kids...that’s great for the kid, my kid is number one, he’s a mega-thinker. You know.I saw one the other day, I love this, it said, “My son was inmate of the month at Chino prison.” That’s my kind of bumper sticker. Okay.I love it. Any thing that pops the pride of pretentious people I’m in favor of. And we compete. “Well, my kid is this.” “Oh your kid is just that.” Or “my husband is this.” “OH, you’re husband is just that.” Don’t compare. God says it’s dumb. Look at this verse, Galatians 6:4,“Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well, and won’t need to compare himself with someone.” Galatians 6:4
It says you don’t need to compare yourself to other people. If you do your best, that’s where satisfaction comes from. He’s saying never measure your worth by anything or anybody else. Now, you need to understand what we’re talking about today…Envy or pride, they are choices we make.Any time you’re envious, you’re choosing to be envious. Anytime you’re prideful, you’re choosing to be thaway. We choose to compare, and God says don’t do it. Number two: The only way to end envy and put an end to pride is recognize my specialness.You see, you may not realize it, but envy and ego is an expression of inferiority. When I’m insecure, I get envious and my ego rears up.
It’s always caused by low self-esteem. Always, that’s the real problem. You see when I have low self-esteem we feel threatened.
When you come to church, you’ve got low self-esteem, then you will be threatened by people who are more beautiful.
People who are better dressed. People who seem to have more status. Or more education. Or more charisma, etc., etc.,
God says recognize how special you are!!!
Don’t be envious. Don’t be egotistical. I’ve discovered that when a person has low self-esteem.
Whether it’s a child or an adult or an employee, or a spouse, no matter love or attention you give them it’s never enough.
Because the moment you change your focus off of them, and on to something else, they get envious cause their ego is hurt.
They start envying what your focus is now on. And let me tell you something, that’s not your problem, it’s their problem.
Because nobody should be the focus of another person all the time…that’s insecurity.
And so if I can deal with that insecurity, I can learn to overcome envy and ego and therefore not be threatened by other people.
How do I deal with that insecurity? Well, the bible says, to see yourself as God does. Psalm 139:13,
“You (God) created every part of me; you put me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13
God says, “I put you together.” You have designer genes. Ha, ha...G. E. N. E. S. You have designer genes.
There is nobody like you in the whole world. And there never will be either. So why compare yourself to anyone else.
There will never be anyone to compare yourself with, because your different.
You’re unique, you’ve heard me say before, when you get to heaven,
God is not going to say, “Why weren’t you more like Moses?”
God is not going to say, “Why weren’t you more like Billy Graham?”
He’s not going to say, “Why weren’t you more like Tim Celek?”
I know he won’t say that. Ha, ha...
God is going to say, “Why weren’t you more like you.” I made you to be you, if you don’t be you, who is going to be you.
Quit copying someone else. Quit trying to imitate someone else's lifestyle.
Quit trying to be somebody you’re not. God made you to be you.
That’s where satisfaction comes in life. That’s where meaning and purpose fulfillment comes.
Not by saying they got this, so we have to have this. Or by saying, “They are dressed that way, we’ve got to dress that way.”
Big deal, recognize my uniqueness. Once more God not only says I made you special, I have a custom plan for your life.
Number three...I need to
The only way to end envy and put away pride is by rejoicing in what I have and who provided it.
In order to overcome envy and pride, I need to rejoice in what I have and who provided it. Ecclesiastes 6:9.
“It is better to be satisfied with what you have than to be always wanting something else.” Ecclesiastes 6:9
Is that true? Oh, boy is that true. He’s saying instead of focusing on what I don’t have. I should be grateful for what I do have.
Don’t always be looking for something else to make me happy.
In the Coastal Community area and in Orange County in general, the desire to acquire is out of control. It’s out of control.
And people think “if I got this, well, if I got this, if I got more I will be even more happier.”
That’s just not true. You can’t purchase happiness. And every once and while say, “Time out.”
“How much is enough. At what point do I stop spending so much on myself and start using what I’ve got to help other people.”
I need to ask myself questions like, “Will moving from a $200,000 to a $400,000 home double my happiness?” The answer is no.
Will moving from a $400,000 to a $800,000 home double my happiness? No it won’t.
It may thrill you, but it won’t bring you more happiness. You can buy thrills, but you can’t buy happiness.
That’s why the thrill doesn’t last forever. I need to rejoice in what I have.
Philippians 4:11
“I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have and with everything that happens.” Philippians 4:11
It is not natural to be content especially in America. We’re taught discontent. It’s something you have to learn.
What is it I have to learn? I need to learn I wouldn’t have anything if it wasn’t for God’s grace…absolutely NOTHING!
Everything I have, my life, my job, my career, my family, whatever. It all belongs to God. 1 Corinthians 4:7,
“What are you so puffed up about? What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if all you have is from God, why act as though you have accomplished something on your own.” 1 Corinthians 4:7
You say, “I’m a self made person.” No, no you’re not. Everything you have is a gift from God.
You say, “Well, I’ve earned that money.” Who gave you your mind? Who gave your hands? Who gave your intelligence?
Who gave you your life? You would have nothing if it weren’t for God. It’s all a gift.
Did you choose when you were born? NO!
Did you choose your parents? NO!
Did you choose your natural gifts and abilities? NO!
The fact is, everything you have you owe to God. God deals you the cards, NOW how you play them is up to you.
But the fact is everything you own, you owe to God. James says in James 1:17,
“Every good gift and every perfect present comes from heaven; it comes down from God...” James 1:17
That is a good humility reminder. You see it’s not all me. It’s what God is doing in and through me.
If you are going to break through egotism and pride…you have to learn is,
“I’ve already got more now than I deserve and that it was giving to me by God”
Now number four
The only way to end envy and pride is to ultimately respond to others in love, NOT with boasting or ego
That’s the fourth antidote to envy. Why? Because love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not prideful.” 1 Corinthians 13:4
Why does it say that love is an antidote to envy? Because love is happy when other people are blessed.
Love wants the highest good for other people. Love gets excited when other people succeed.
Love enjoys seeing other people be successful. It is the exact opposite of envy or pride.
Envy and pride rejoices when other people have a bad time. And they weep when other people are blessed.
God says no that is not what you do. You get happy with those who are happy. And you’re sad with those who are sad.
Let me ask you a question. Do you ever have a hard time handling the success of other people?
Be honest. Yes, you do. We all do, from time to time.
Handling the success of other people. Why did they get a promotion when we didn’t?
How come they’re getting married am I’m still single?
How come they’re having a baby and we’re not?
They’re getting to go to Europe and we’re paying for braces.
Do you know what I’m talking about? And it prevents from enjoying what other people are doing.
Do know what envy and pride ultimately do?
They are all about resenting God goodness to other people.
It saying, “I resent it God that you were good to those people.”
And it’s based on a false belief that says, “Your success means my failure.” That’s just not true.
It’s based on a false belief that your pleasure means my pain.
That’s not true. God has enough goodness for everybody.
He has no shortage. He can be good to everybody else and you. And when God is good to somebody else, that doesn’t mean he won’t be good to you.
He’s got more than enough goodness for all of us. So you respond to everybody in love. Number five,
Ultimately, the only way to end envy and pride is REFOCUS on God and Him alone!
This is the ultimate antidote to overcoming envy. Refocus on pleasing God. Colossians 3:2,
“Think only about the things in heaven, not the things on earth.” Colossians 3:2
What’s he saying? He’s saying, look at life from God’s viewpoint.
Recognize that material things are temporary. They will not last.
They are just temporary. Refocus on the things that will matter. That will last for eternity. The things that will count.
What’s going to count? Loving, knowing and serving God. Set you mind on the things in heaven.
When I focus on making God number one in my life, when I focus on the fact that he made me unique and he has a plan for my life.
It really doesn’t matter, because all the competition in life really becomes irrelevant.
Because I’m not competing with anyone else…
Now if you’ve ever said this, I’ve just got to have this....and fill in the blank, in order to be happy.
Person, object, thing or whatever. I’ve got to have it. If you’ve ever said that, you know what that is called in the bible.
It’s called idolatry. Idolatry. It’s breaking the first commandment. That says, “you shall have no other gods before me.”
And anything where you say, “I’ve got to have in order to live or be happy.” Is your god.
The fact is there is only one thing that you absolutely have to have to make it in life and into eternity.
You absolutely have to have a relationship to Jesus Christ. Everything else is secondary. It’s the only thing.
And if anything else takes the place of that as the ultimate objective and goal of your life.
Then you are setting yourself up for envy. Because everything else you can gain can be taken away from you.
That’s the only that can’t be taken away from you.
You can lose your family. You can lose health. You can lose your money.
The only that can never be taken away from you is your relationship to Jesus Christ.
So the antidote is to be so focused on God’s plan for your life, that you can’t be bothered about envying what other people are doing.
Now look at this verse, Proverbs 23:17,
“Don’t be envious of people; let reverence of the Lord be the concern of your life. If it is, you have a bright future.” Proverbs 23:17
Make living for God the concern of your life, if it is, then you have a bright future.
Truckers tell us that an empty to truck makes the most noise on the freeway. When they are empty they make a lot of noise.
These drums up here, they make a lot of noise because they are empty on the inside.
If you filled up the drum it wouldn’t make half the noise. Because it’s empty it makes a lot of noise.
Ego, pride & envy…indicates emptiness on the inside. It’s just an indication of emptiness on the inside.
And a vain and envious person is empty at the core or center of there life.
And so they feel this need to make a lot of noise, to boast and to desire. To be or to want to be something they are not.
Because they’re empty on the inside. And the greater the void, the greater the boast or brag or desire.
Now what causes people to boast or brag or be pride-filled or envious?
We continue to make attempts to look good when inside we don’t really feel too good.
We really don’t feel that good, so we put up a big front to look good.
And what happens is, we suspect that people really won’t care about us.
I better tell them how great I am. What a cook I am. What a singer I am. What a financial wizard I am. What a great a speaker I am.
It’s because of emptiness on the inside. Is there an alternative? Yes there is. Ephesians 3:18-19,
“May you be able to feel and understand...how long, how wide, how deep, and how high God’s love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves...so at last you will be filled up with God himself!” Ephesians 3:18-19
You see when you are filled with God’s love. You experience unconditional love for the first time.
Many of you are Christians have never experienced God’s love. Oh you know about love. You know God loves you.
You believe in it. You got it up here intellectually. But you have never experienced or felt love, unconditional love, by God.
And so you go out and you work and you perform and you try to prove yourself on this performance oriented rat race.
Trying to prove yourself worthy. To yourself, to others and to God. Because you don’t really feel unconditionally loved by God.
When you let God fill that emptiness in your life, you know longer need to run around the world trying to validate your worth to and from everyone else.
You have no need to be validated by others because you feel loved, completely loved by God.
And it relieves the need to promote yourself and present an image.
